Am I who you think I am?

I have 3 strings of thought i'd like to get out there, but none of them are really related so forgive me for seeming random, or not well put together.


Thought One: I fell up the stairs today. Yes, Up. It was quite hilarious...to me anyways :)
I was in the library, ya know that place that is supposed to be silent? yup.
Totally biffed it up the stairs and busted a gut laughing while everyone else shot me squinty eyes looking up from their text books and lap tops. W. (W is how the cool kids are saying "whatever" these days in case you got lost for a second :)).

Thought Two: Am I who you think I am?  Not only are those words lyrics to one of my favorite songs (as posted above), but they are also words that seem to be looping in my head quite often these days.  I meet these people.  New friends and faces every day.  They ask me questions, I answer, and they form opinions about who they think I am.  Sometimes I feel like I adjust my personality just a wee bit to fit who a certain person thinks I am.
Is that lying about who I really am?  Or is it wrong to surface different parts of who you are depending on who you are with?  This is the debate going on in my head.
Its true that I like who I am around certain people more than others, and I suppose it is just my job as I grow up to slowly mesh into the "me" that I love most.

I think I have figured out who that is too.  I have decided that the best kind of Emily is who I am when i'm with my Dad.  Probably because that Emily is the rarest.  I am quite unusual around him.  I am as real with my Dad as I think is possible.  I am as weird as I want to be, I can say whatever I want, and I can always expect a level of respect and empathy from him.  He understands my humor, and my faults, and still thinks the world of me.  I cannot tell you how blessed I am to have such a close close friend to my heart, and know that because of this gospel, I will be able to stay best friends all throughout eternity.

I was on a date recently where we played a game of guessing certain traits that we thought each other possessed.  I don't know if it should bother me that he pretty much pegged everything he guessed about me...except my favoirte colors.
Yes I love sweats, yes I stay up late basically every night, yes I am a bit of a perfectionist, yes I am constantly busy, yes sometimes i'm disorganized, yes I am driven, yes I am a "good person", and yes the gospel is the center of my life.  Sheesh.  Am I really that easy to read?  I am not an open book!  But I suppose once again there is nothing wrong with living your life openly, and honestly so people can tell right off the bat what kind of a core person you are.

And then there are those who think that you are perfect.
when you are not.
They think you can and will do anything and everything you want to with ease.  They look at my life and see how incredibly blessed I am with what I have been able to experience and accomplish with the help of the Lord.  What they don't see is how many times I have to constantly self-correct, fix adjust and pray, pray, pray that my efforts will be enough. Pray, pray, pray that the Lord will make up the difference that I always fall short of.  Pray, pray, pray with gratitude that I am always taken care of in the end and that I always end up where I need to be.
But I still struggle, and I hope I don't let down or disappoint those who are watching so closely and expecting so much. But I try.  All I can do, is do my best.

Thought Three:  I was ambushed by the missionaries yesterday.  As they handed out hot chocolates to everyone on campus, for whatever reason it was me that they decided to talk to.  I stood in line and watched as people got the hot chocolate and walked away, no questions asked.  But when it was my turn, one of them asked me my name, where I was from, what i'm studying, where I live, and lastly, if there was anyone in my life that I could think of, that they could share the gospel with.
Shoot.  Of course that name flashed into my head.
No, I can't give them his name, that would be awkward.
But then why is the name popping up in my head like a neon sign?
The poor missionaries had no idea of this little game of ping-pong going on inside my brain, they just kept urging, "just one name, that's all we need, there has got to be one person."
"Yes...I have a good friend that lives in my building, he is not a member of the church..."
Their faces lit up like it was Christmas. Pooh.
I gave them the number of his best friend, and prayed that it was the right thing to do.

I have often wondered about this kid.  Every one of his friends are LDS and leaving on missions soon.  I know his best friend hasn't always been super strong in the church, but he is now, and even he is leaving out into the world soon. 
This friend of mine is quite honestly better than some of the kids leaving on missions.  He is just...solid, ya know?  I have never understood why he was not a member of the church.  Maybe its his family?  Maybe he doesn't want to?  Or just maybe, no one has ever asked...

I hope that was the right thing to do.
I hope that this is something he really needs, and will be open to, especially now that all his friends are heading out to share it with different people across the globe.
I hope that if my name is mentioned, that he won't judge me..

But there is no reason to be scared, the Lord knows all, and he knows this boys heart better than I do.  If it is his will that the missionaries talk to him, His will be done.