Uncomfortable

"I'm sick of this room, i'm tired of this floor. These window are walls, I don't live here no more.  I'm finished playing if your through keeping score.  I'm finished staying if your closing the door."

Why does this place feel so perfect and uncomfortable at the same time?
I don't feel like myself, I feel like I act and behave differently.  The people I used to be comfortable, I now have no words to share with.  We are on different pages....or more like I am on a different page, while everyone else is perfectly synchronized.
What happened between last spring and the fall?  And why do I have no desire to let anyone in on the inner workings of my brain?
Maybe I simply don't feel like letting people in that really aren't that concerned with whats going on anyways.  I wish I could figure out this odd anti-social phase i'm going through.

I am not even sad about it all is the strangest thing.  I am still happy and accomplishing things and loving life....just more by myself.  Maybe I would rather be content by myself than forcing myself to be funny and outgoing with people that don't care....or care about things that I don't care so much about.

I feel like a best friend would solve this problem flawlessly.

Pokes

So life is good.  My new job is pretty awesome.
Even though my primary area of expertise is up front screening donors and poking fingers...etc...I have already done a blood draw!
 I think I scared the crap out of the lady I did it to for the first time.
There were two people hovering over her, one knew what she was doing (the trainer), and the other had no clue (the trainee...aka me.) The poor woman asked me how many times I had done this before and saying, "Oh this is my first time!" with a smile on my face did not help in the least to calm her nerves...
Afterwards she said it didn't hurt at all, and that I did great, but I still feel bad for being the smiling inexperienced girl with a needle.

The new apartment is fantastic....ly small.  But still good.  Its pretty social out in these parts, and I have already been invited to a few game nights :)
I live on the first floor, which is the only floor with out air conditioning.  It keeps the utilities down, but  boy everyone is walking around with a sweaty forehead down here!

School starts in a few days....not quite  ready to process that yet...time is flying so stinking fast!  I can't believe another summer has already come and gone....and this one was yet again nothing like any of the other ones that came before.  My life is always full of surprises and blessings, I can't wait to see whats hiding just around the corner with the new semester comin' up!

Cheers! :)

Colors of the wind (I wrote this mid summer..and never posted it)

Man. Life is changing. Holy cow. I am having a hard time keeping up with things.
I have always lived my life in a very goal oriented manner.
I set high standards for myself.
I go after things.
I aim to achieve.
In my head, I always like to have an idea of where I am headed. What the next "big step" is. The game plan. I have always left a little room for a change of plans, just in case the Lord has something else in mind for me, but lets be honest...my goals pre-college and throughout my high school career had relatively few shifts from where I was originally headed.
I knew exactly where I wanted to head to college, even before my senior year. I had already been accepted to my college of choice before most kids had even begun to fill out applications. I knew exactly what career I was going to lead and the requirements to attain that goal. I knew what I needed to do to be eligible for scholarships, and where dance fit into my life, and how to use it to help me further my aspirations. I had things figured out.
and then college hit....hit.
First semester was great, an eye-opener, but great....difficult...but still great.
Second semester was a different story. It was still great, but I started to lose sight of my goals. I forgot what it felt like to accomplish. I focused on things that really, it seemed like everyone else was focusing on as well, but they were in no way what was most important. I let myself slip. I got caught up college, and all of the wonderful distractions it has to offer...at any and all times of the day. I had a lot of fun, and I don't necessarily regret it. It was a valuable and needed lesson to learn.
Third semester was tough. I had difficult classes, two jobs, I was on a company, and had unexpected family trials. This was the time where I was starting to question where I really wanted to be career wise. I never strayed from my medical oriented preferences, but I all of the sudden had interest in business, and traveling abroad, and accounting, and being a PA...or maybe still a nurse...or probably a Physical Therapist?...no no maybe a PTA?...or how about a future in orthopaedics? But Occupational Therapy sounds pretty cool too...its whatever.

Life.

Life is gooood.
I am basically a super cool boarder now. (not really I suck at longboarding...but I try!)
Finals are in a few days.
My brother and sister are on my turf this week for EFY.
I just got a super super great new job! (IHOP has been fantastic, but I am excited for a change of scene...especially one that will help me gain experience in my future area of expertise!)
AAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.....I am the brand new Intern in the Logan Operating Room for the Logan Regional Hospital!!

Banana

I really just love my family :) I could not be any luckier than to be placed in such an accepting and loving environment full of funny and quirky people just like me :)

Grateful

Changes!...Holy cow lots and lots of changes....Not all of them I am quite willing to publish to the interwide web yet (or to the 3 people that actually read this)...but all good changes I assure you :)

I am grateful for the blunt guidance I have had in my life lately...I never would have imagined switching up my plans so completely from what I had previously planned.

In just one week I will be starting my position as the new Intern in the Operating Room, I am resigning my place at IHOP and starting a new job at the Plasma Center as a Phlebotomist in training, I get to volunteer twice a week at the Community Health Clinic, my grades are seriously paying off, I got a new calling in my ward, and I am going to DC for the first time ever in a couple of weeks!
Not to mention I can almost be done being a hermit because finals are almost over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Life is good :)

Happiness.

"When we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated” (D&C 130:21). Laws of eternal happiness are given in the temple, where we covenant to obey those laws."


There are Laws, actual Laws of eternal happiness??


Me and my best friend were having a deep conversation, the substance of which consisted of where we fit into the world. More specifically, what to major in.  We both thoroughly enjoy helping others.  It is a proven fact that giving service to others is a guaranteed way by which to bring happiness into your own life.
We bounced ideas off each other, most of them involving the medical field, or counseling, or teaching.  All very sound ways of serving and helping others.
I asked my best friend what is something she really truly enjoys.  What came out of her mouth caught me a little by surprise, as I was expecting something career oriented. After pausing to think for a moment she said, "I enjoy being happy." I chuckled a bit at first at the unexpected answer and we both mused that there was probably not a university that had "happiness" as a major.  But what a profound thought.  What if you could Major in the art of being happy?  What if you had the ability to teach people how to bring joy into their lives?  Could you imagine if there was a University in the world that had unlocked the golden secret to happiness?  People would flock by the thousands, most would give up their riches, pay everything they had to vie the services of someone who could just teach them how to be happy.

The conversation turned again and I had not given her words much thought again, until tonight when reading an article about preparing to enter the House of the Lord.  It had not hit me, that here, right here in my very own life, that there was such a University.  It already exists, and has existed since the first recordings of history. Our temples, even the one that shines through my bedroom window, is the University of the Lord.  Within that quote posted above, it said that this is the place where the Laws of Eternal Happiness are taught.  What an absolutely incredible thing. I always knew that the gospel brings us happiness. That, just like service, has always been just one of those things that I know will make you happy.  But I have never been told, in all my years growing up in the church, that when you are lucky enough to receive your endowments, and be sealed for time and all eternity, that you suddenly have access to the University of the Lord where you will be taught the principles and Laws of Eternal Happiness.  I have never been aware that such Laws existed.  That happiness was an eternal truth. 


As you can tell this has absolutely blown my mind in the best of ways.  Sorry if my musing and wonderings don't make complete sense, but I encourage you to ponder this comforting and motivating concept.  If you already have access to the temple, for heaven's sake please take advantage of it, because the rest of us are just itching to have access to this incredible source of power that you do.  If you do not already have it, please please please....use this as motivation to set your bar no lower than that of the standards of the temple.  Set them high so that when that day comes that you are ready to receive those blessings, you will be fully prepared and eager to comprehend the all that the Lord is ready and willing to share with you.